day 89-a glitch in the system...

No relationship is perfect...not my mom and dad's, my brother's, my aunt's, my friend's, my staff's, and everyone else's. I never knew anyone to be in a perfect relationship and i don't think i would every see one or be in one. At some point in time the line would hit a snag, the calm waters would give way to rough seas, and the smooth ride would be jarred by potholes along the way (If you are in the philippine highways, prepare for a bumpy ride because there won't just be potholes). No matter how you try to avoid misunderstandings, it just has it's ways of finding you. No relationship is safe from it and definitely not mine and ying ying's. It is not a matter of how but when it would happen. But it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. Rebounding and learning from those misunderstandings would be the more important thing just like learning from your mistakes to avoid committing them in the future. Our relationship is definitely a work in progress...still a long long way to go and we both know that.

The odds of us working this out it stacked against us. We have barely been together for a few months and we are already thrown into this long distance relationship with time difference and  stresses from work. Hell, throw in natural and cultural differences for good measure because she is Chinese who grew up in the US and I am a Filipino who have been in the Philippines virtually my whole life. Our different backgrounds seem too complicated for us to work this out. When things don't work out, we could always have these excuses to put the blame on. But that's not how we want it to be, that's not how we roll (to make it sound more western). Odds may be stacked against us but were both too stubborn and too hard headed to give in to these problems. I am proud how we deal with our "snags" and "glitches", we don't let them get us, instead, we talk about it...calmly and intelligently. We know we won't get anywhere if we put pride first instead of understanding. And admittedly, i had a hard time with this because sometimes, i am too proud of a person when it comes to arguments. but i know pride has no room in this relationship so i had to swallow it. 

Our talks would be the one to sustain our relationship in the next few months. It would help us update each other, clear misunderstandings, mitigate the longings that we feel for each other, and more importantly, our way of letting each other know that we are there for each other through thick and thin. Right now, i feel highly about us, i feel there's no problem that we can't solve as long as we stick together. I hope that would be true forever because if it is, I could be the happiest man alive :)

day 86-not giving in to temptation and staying positive

every situation brings with it it's own unique sets of ups and downs. being away from each other brings a bit more of freedom for the both of us. it has it's advantages and definitely it's disadvantages. I cannot stop me from knowing new people and neither can i stop ying ying from the same and certainly i cannot control who would be the new people i would meet which goes the same for her. and definitely i cannot stop a girl who would decide to like me nor can ying ying control a guy going up to her and try to hit up on her. during these moments, you must rely on the strength of your relationship. that both of you would not be foolish enough to put the relationship at risk. temptations are everywhere, it doesn't necessarily have to be another person but also actions that would hurt me or her.  I should remember that she placed her trust on me and i should take care of that for the rest of the time we will be together. Trust would play a very critical role in a long distance relationship. it is one the foundations that holds the relationship up. mess that up and the relationship crumbles. you cannot continue to be in a relationship where you cannot trust your partner because it will only bring you unnecessary pain, paranoia, fear, and stress. i am pretty sure me and ying ying's resolve to preserve this relationship would be tested as we move along. it is up for us to weather those times and resist the temptations that would threaten to derail us.

i must admit i find myself the weaker one compared to ying ying. this is the first time i would dare say this but i have given in to temptations from my past. i was weak and immature during those times and sometimes when the temptation is a bit too overpowering, i buckle and give in. but that was something that is behind me now. a fresh start and a clean slate with ying ying is what i am starting with. and i am proud of myself that i am doing very well :) i could genuinely say that i have never been in this kind of situation before that i have someone that i am really afraid to lose. i got my first temptation a few days back in the form of a random girl in facebook messaging me and started chatting with me. i admit she has a pretty face and she was really a flirt and back then, i would have jumped on her the first opportunity i got but the thought of losing ying ying because i would hook up with this girl sent a shiver down my spine. it was decided then and there, that was a risk i would never take. for me, that was only a minor victory and it will only go harder from here and to be totally honest, i won't be giving out lofty promises because i might end up eating my words. but one of the things i am sure about right now is i will not take risks that would make me lose ying ying. it's fun and pleasing to discover that i have that capacity in me to resist temptations. i ended up shaking my head, smiling, and said to myself: "damn, i am really in love with this girl. i have never been too afraid to lose someone until now".

We will never know what life would bring that would totally alter us. it might be an event, a place, an animal, a thing, a person, and in my case, ying ying. she has already taught me a lot even without her trying to teach me. she made me realize a lot of things even though she hasn't told me a thing. i am just glad i am realizing a lot of things and changing them for the better. we still have a lot to learn from each other but who's in a hurry? we have our whole lives to live together :)

day 83- still can't get enough...

of ying ying :) i know i am being overly cheesy lately. and i don't freaking care :) in this kind of situations, i'd rather let what i feel out rather than i keep it to myself. i might have an explanation why i am like this right now...it might be because i have been working on nothing but paper works the past three days. That gets me stuck here at my place and basically translating to me being online the whole time so we have been talking longer than usual for three days now. it's kind of i am getting more than my usual dose of her so i think this is the side effect of being overdosed of her :) she usually gets home at her place late from work and she's usually free to talk around 10pm for her or 2pm for me. an hour of conversation is our average talk time. that usually would be enough for us to fill each other with our day and everything in between although we both would like it to be more than that but things that need to be done or sleep gets in the way.

for us to gain something, most of the time we have to give up something for it. talking with ying ying at 2pm and onwards in the afternoon conflicts with something i really love doing...basketball. because i would usually have to be on the court by 3:30 at the latest for me to play a couple of games. you might have guessed work but i excluded that because definitely that comes first. good thing that my work permits me to make my own schedules because i could free up my mid-afternoon to talk to her. definitely the time difference sucks but i can't do anything about it so necessary sacrifices have to be made which i never regret doing. our daily talks would always be one of the highlights of my day. and i am really glad and happy for her that the past couple of days for her went smoothly. she definitely needed that after a tough week. i know she will do fine despite the stresses around her. she is one tough woman and i really appreciate her for that. see, i have never been a fan of women who always act or often act as damsels-in-distress. i can't put up with them...and definitely can't stand them for long. i prefer a woman who knows her worth, knows how to stand up on her own, refuses to be bullied, and can decide for herself and ying ying definitely has everything of those or even more (although i hope she won't be too strong to the point i will be pussy whipped. no guy wants that!). she is tough but definitely she has her soft side...she is really caring, considerate (sometimes too considerate for her own good), affectionate, sweet, thoughtful, and everything in between. tough as nails but soft as goose down pillows...that is my ying ying :) the best of both worlds....

day 81 but about day 80 and our 4th month! :)

yesterday was our 4th month together...i think...LOL! because we got together on october 29th and since feb this year has no 29 in it, then i guess we can say it is march 1st :) with just a blink of an eye, we have been sharing our lives together for four (4) months already. time does fly by so fast when you are enjoying things. i can't believe we've been far apart more than we have been together. we have been apart for 80 days compared to the 48 days that we have been together since we became officially "us" here in the philippines. but we haven't felt the full effect of that 80 days because we have been talking and updating each other constantly since she left. if you really love each other, it will still be there even if physical presence has been removed. you would still feel that way even if you don't see that person in front of you physically, not be able to feel your fingers in between his/her fingers, and all the things you can do when you are together.

my friends has been teasing me lately especially my confidant, bugoy, because nothing has been coming out of my mouth recently but ying ying. ying ying this, ying ying that, yaddah yaddah. i don't know, i guess i am just too happy to be with her and i don't care if i am being cheesy in front of my friends. but i am glad they are happy for me and wished me luck with her. it's true that when you are in love with a person, cheesiness and being caring would come out naturally in you and you don't really care about being like that. they said that i am like this because we are in a "honeymoon stage", that the feeling still overwhelms me about ying ying and it will taper of at one point in time. i don't know about that, it might be possible, it might be not. all i could say that ying ying can't be compared to the ones that came before. she is in an entirely different level right now. i'm not saying i am putting her up in a pedestal and worshiping her like a goddess, that would be disastrous. it's just that i think highly of her and appreciate everything for what she is.

yesterday, we had a lengthy talk. it was unexpected that we would be talking that long on a weekday since most of the time, we are busy but nonetheless, i was so happy we did. i love long talks because conversations would be deeper and more meaningful. it was also fun because while we were talking, she was doing her nightly routine of preparing for bed which i miss because i always see her do that when we were together here. and i miss her including me in her routine by putting eye cream on me (which at first i protested but later on got the hang of it) and she brought me (her laptop) inside the bathroom (guys, she is just brushing her teeth and washing her face okay?) so that she can continue to talk to me. we got to talk about a lot of things too! long talks like that really fills you in on the small details about what is happening in her world and vise versa with mine. she is in a bit of not-so-ideal situation right now in LA where she kind of misses her independence, being appreciated, and being useful. i guess everyone of us experiences that phase in our life at one point in time. i really wish i could do something for her but in a way it might also be better for her to sort this one out by herself. all i could do right now for her would be a willing ear to listen when she vents out or rants about what is stressing her out. i am extremely proud of her that she is holding up well despite the situation. that she sees the positive side of bad situations and learn from them and i appreciate her more for that.

i am almost always stuck at the end of the blog because i don't know how to end them. most of the time i wanted a dramatic ending but at the same time i don't want to be redundant so it's really hard for an amateur like me to do that. but anyway, i am just happy i got to write some of the things that were in my mind. till my next bog! ciao! :)

day 76 and 77

day 76

I’m in the middle of a weekly meeting and it’s kind of boring so I decided to write a blog entry J I just moved in my new place and there are still a lot of moving, lifting, and arranging to do. Hopefully I could finish and settle down this weekend. I am looking forward living in my new place because it is much closer to work and there will be lesser distractions that will keep me from working. I am a bit apprehensive though with the change in the environment because I don’t know if the place is for me or not and the adjustment i have to make since it will be a whole new routine for me. but changes are unavoidable, inevitable. It’s up for us to stand up to the challenge and embrace changes and make the most out of them. i have always believed successful people are the ones who adapted to change and played it to their advantage. I welcome this change because i know there is something good in this for me. and i can't discount the fact that moving in a cheaper place will help me save more of my money and set it aside for something bigger I have in my mind.

Keeping in touch constantly and keeping the communication line open with your partner that is half way around the world is difficult and this is the most obvious challenge couples find out who are far from each other. But me and ying ying are finding ways to update each other every single day. We drop messages even if the other is not online and reply to it whenever we go online. And the thread goes on and on. We also play words with friends thru our iphone and it helps us maintain our competitive side with each other. Skype has been very useful for us and we vid chat with each other at least four (4) times a week. It’s a far cry compared to the time that we were together here in the Philippines but it’s something I would settle with anytime. in long distance relationships, couples should both be dedicated on making the situation work and we are fortunate enough that we are on the same page when it comes to our relationship. I am happy and comfortable with what we have right now and how we work things out. It is something I am praying for that would not change, but if it does, I hope it is for the better J

day 77

was not able to finish my  day 76 entry because the meeting ended early but i decided to include what i have written anyway. And finally, I am almost done imprinting my presence in my new place :) bought stuff that i need for my place like trash cans, rugs, wall hooks, a little bit of furniture, and other necessary stuff. i also realized that in my new place, i have to cook for myself since there are no food places that is near. i guess that would be better because i will have the opportunity to improve my cooking skills and impress ying ying with my dishes when the opportunity arises. i remember her saying that definitely she doesn't want's to be with a man who can't live on his own so knowing how to cook would definitely be a big plus for me! and one of the more better memories me and ying ying have here will be our food trips together. our appreciation for food brought us to UP Diliman for isaw and tapsilog and binondo for the chinese food to name a few. It was also something that ying ying was not from here and therefore, most of the food she had here were new to her. it  was fun introducing her to our food because she is always game to taste them and seeing her like the food also makes me happy and proud of our culture.

our first date did not happen in a fancy restaurant, or a place with nice ambiance, we had our first date at robinson's ermita food court! at first i was a bit uneasy that we would have our first date there, i mean, i always thought first date should be about making an impression and i am at a loss how to impress her when we are at a food court. but i guess some things work differently for us. being at the food court left us with so many food choices and we grabbed food that she haven't had before. it turned out to be fun and light date and something that made me appreciate her more.

she is in a bit of a tough situation in LA right now. work and thesis have been gobbling up most of her time and she is kind of stressing herself out to the point that she is having colds and cough. this is something that also gets me in long distance relationships because i like taking care of my girlfriend when she is sick, shower her with TLC and it bugs me that i can't do anything to help her. all i can do for now would be to pray that she would always be good in health and nothing to serious would happen to her.

tomorrow, i am excited to buy additional stuff for my place. comforters, bed sheets, towels, etc will be up on the list. i would have greatly wished she is with me when i do this because i would have wanted her opinion on which colors, designs, and things i will have to choose. for now, i will just have rely on my manly instinct which products i should buy. i will be writing another blog soon since i need to finish some stuff for work. hopefully by tomorrow i will have the time...i just realized now that writing is fun. never in my mind i would have thought that someday i will be writing blogs. but here i am now doing the exact thing. i'm thankful i have this as my outlet, i probably would have had a harder time coping up with our situation. looking forward writing my next blog! :)

day 73

in the middle of a long and busy day for me. i am packing my stuff because i will be moving to a new place nearer my office. it will be more convenient for me and i could save more (hopefully for my ticket to her) . lots of stuff still to sort into boxes but stopped in the middle of it to watch a basketball game "live"with ying ying :) yes, it would have been great if we would have watched the game together live, sitting next to each other and enjoying the game. but for now, i will be watching the game via live streaming on my laptop while she watches the game live from a suite in staples center :) it just so happened that the camera covering most of the game is right in front of the suite where she is in so we kind of have the same view of the game. i will just use the best of my imagination that we are on a real date watching the sport i love the most :) someday, i promise, we will watch an NBA live game together. not only once but i will be watching games with her as often as possible.

these are the things that you have settle for sometimes since this is the closest you can be to the real thing (although i don't consider this a date since i just decided to watch the game with her an didn't ask her out and i'm not paying for her ticket :p). haha. my list of things that i want to do with her when we see each other just keeps growing. i might have to make a list for real since making a mental note might not be enough. lol. 

one of the things i love about my baby is that she gets out of her way to learn the things i love doing. like basketball...she is so clueless about the game (this might be the point she will disagree if she knew about this blog) but she tries to be updated with the game so that we can talk about it. and i love every bits and pieces of her for that. but it's funny sometimes that she just can't hide her disinterest sometimes...we were talking about basketball while we were driving. i thought she was listening because she opened the conversation but when i looked at her, she was sleeping! LOL! and i love every bit and pieces of her the more for that! :)

in long distance relationships, you grab every opportunity that you can talk and update each other when it presents itself. may it be for a few minutes or for a few exchange of words but nevertheless, she/you got to talk or learn what she/me was doing. you may sometimes want more opportunities. it would always be understandable and a given truth when you miss each other but you have to force yourself to accept and make peace with the fact that not every time you or her would be available. be thankful for every opportunity that comes your way. and i am slowly but surely learning that :) 

as the game is ending, i will also be ending this blog (it was a blowout win for the lakers) and get back to packing my things. but i wish i could drive her home after the game, or better yet, go home to the same place with her. for now, i will just add that to the list of things i want to do with her when we are together. for now, live basketball games with her will have to wait. for now, i will look for more ways to be more patient and learn more about how we can improve our situation :)

day 69

just came from a scientific conference for veterinarians in cebu city from feb 15-19 that's why i was not able to post a new blog. the conference was a great venue to meet old and new friends. it was particularly nice to see my batch mates doing good in their respective fields/jobs.

anyway, from all the excitement, lecture sessions, and night out with friends and colleagues, the thought of ying ying would just suddenly pop into my mind. i miss her the same amidst all those mind occupying activities. during lectures when the topic goes from interesting to boring, my mind slowly drifts into this day dreaming state where i would imagine the things we would do when we will finally be together. or that the next day i would see her and i would imagine what i would do once i would see her, or how would i surprise her by just showing up her door step in LA. during night outs, when i would lean my head back to drink my beer, in the middle of all the loudness, i would wish she was there with me and meet my friends and the people i am with. in the hotel room when i am ready to retire or when i wake up in the middle of the night, i wish i am feeling her warmth and hugging her instead of the pillow around my arms.

i think i have finally settled into a groove where i am really comfortable with our situation right now. one of my bad habits would be i tend to over think things. i would worry too much about something when to start with, it should have been nothing to waste a worry about. it made me a bit depressed and a little less sure about our relationship. but i guess that was phase about our relationship. right now, i am very happy with where we are in our relationship and how we are coping up :) we never failed to update each other everyday through skype, facebook, twitter, IDD calls and texts and everything in between.  and when we will end up together someday, i will owe some thanks to iphone for giving us more opportunities to communicate with each other. hehe. this piece of technology is amazing! :)

it's amazing how the person you love can change you for the better. you feel better about yourself and you will strive to be better for that person. you want to be more responsible, more successful, and just be a better person all around. i know it should have started from me alone but i guess, some people need triggers to let them realize they can do better than where they are right now.

and even if i am comfortable about our situation right now, i still miss her the same...the same intensity but i got better control of it now. everything's going right for us right now and i hope it will continue for the better...