day 53

i have never been a writer, in fact, i hate paperworks. the only essays/stories i wrote were the ones required by my teachers when i was studying. i would always groan when my teachers would tell us to write an essay. but i guess things can quickly change and before i knew it, writing is something that will help me when i am missing somebody that is the world to me. today, day 53 is the day i started this blog, the day that i can't keep to myself how much i miss ying ying. she left for the US last december 15, 2010. i will never know when this blog would end. maybe by the time i stop missing her because i am happily with her or i have stopped loving her. in my 28 years, life has taught me everything can change quickly, that situations won't be the same forever. but for now, i never knew i could miss someone this bad. i guess the degree of how much you miss a person depends on how much you love them. i must admit i have never been in love with someone like this before and it really amazes me that i can. we were introduced to each other by my friend's sister nerissa who took them out on a trip to los banos, laguna, where i stay during weekends. neri asked me if i could drive for her and "her"foreign friends when they were there. at first i reluctantly said yes since it was weird for me because me and neri don't really hang out together. we were introduced and you could immediately tell beth was the outgoing one and ying ying the silent one :) me and ying ying did not start out until their 3rd month here in the philippines. she was here for her practicum for her degree at boston university. i liked her from the start but didn't made a move on her since one of my friend also liked her and i stepped aside out of respect. i guess that's an unwritten rule for my guy friends at los banos. when i figured out that my friend was not putting his effort into it, i started hanging out at her place, which i promised them that i would before but i would always postpone it.. and we took off from there. by the time we got together, we were inseparable, i showed her the philippines and showed her how filipino men would love their woman :) i soon started to realize how different she were compared to my previous relationships and i began to become aware that the things i was looking for for my ideal woman was in her and this changed how i looked at our relationship. gone was the thought that this relationship of ours was temporary because she will be leaving soon for the US, vanished was the idea that this would be for fun. this was relationship was something i really wanted to work bad and something that i would learn to value the greatest. we were together for a month and a half here in the philippines, a short time i know for most, but for that short time we were together, she gave me a glimpse of what we could have in the future. we spent our remaining days together knowing that the day would come that she will have to go back to the US. that dreaded day did  came and we were powerless about it. no amount of preparation could have made us ready for what lays ahead for us. we knew maintaining long distance relationships is hard. most of my relationships have been long distance and i have a fair idea how hard it will be. but this time, i am consoled by the fact that she is equally dedicated to what we have right now. I know she loves me every second of everyday she doesn't see me and that keeps me going on.

for now, no amount of skype or chatting can overcome how much i miss her. skype is like a pill that temporarily takes away the the symptoms but not the condition itself. as the effect wears off, i find myself missing her again. i have to find a way to be with her somehow. the sooner, the better for us. "distance can make the heart grow fonder"- this cliche is true...but has a time limit. for short times that you are separated that would be true i guess. you will start to realize how things are more fun when you are together than you doing it alone or with other people. this will make the heart grow fonder. but distance for very long times can also make rock-solid relationships crumble. two people living separate lives for too long can get numb from being away from each other too long. this is my worst fear, something that i would have face and i have to overcome. there are no certainties in this world, for me, i would just do the best that i can until i am capable of. i will love her till she tells me to stop. but for now, all i can do is miss her till we see each other again. someday i will conquer that 7304 miles that separates us. someday i will reduce that number to 0. and someday i will kiss her again for real, hug her again and feel her warm soft skin against mine. i love her so much and distance would just be an obstacle that would make us stronger...