day 89-a glitch in the system...

No relationship is perfect...not my mom and dad's, my brother's, my aunt's, my friend's, my staff's, and everyone else's. I never knew anyone to be in a perfect relationship and i don't think i would every see one or be in one. At some point in time the line would hit a snag, the calm waters would give way to rough seas, and the smooth ride would be jarred by potholes along the way (If you are in the philippine highways, prepare for a bumpy ride because there won't just be potholes). No matter how you try to avoid misunderstandings, it just has it's ways of finding you. No relationship is safe from it and definitely not mine and ying ying's. It is not a matter of how but when it would happen. But it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. Rebounding and learning from those misunderstandings would be the more important thing just like learning from your mistakes to avoid committing them in the future. Our relationship is definitely a work in progress...still a long long way to go and we both know that.

The odds of us working this out it stacked against us. We have barely been together for a few months and we are already thrown into this long distance relationship with time difference and  stresses from work. Hell, throw in natural and cultural differences for good measure because she is Chinese who grew up in the US and I am a Filipino who have been in the Philippines virtually my whole life. Our different backgrounds seem too complicated for us to work this out. When things don't work out, we could always have these excuses to put the blame on. But that's not how we want it to be, that's not how we roll (to make it sound more western). Odds may be stacked against us but were both too stubborn and too hard headed to give in to these problems. I am proud how we deal with our "snags" and "glitches", we don't let them get us, instead, we talk about it...calmly and intelligently. We know we won't get anywhere if we put pride first instead of understanding. And admittedly, i had a hard time with this because sometimes, i am too proud of a person when it comes to arguments. but i know pride has no room in this relationship so i had to swallow it. 

Our talks would be the one to sustain our relationship in the next few months. It would help us update each other, clear misunderstandings, mitigate the longings that we feel for each other, and more importantly, our way of letting each other know that we are there for each other through thick and thin. Right now, i feel highly about us, i feel there's no problem that we can't solve as long as we stick together. I hope that would be true forever because if it is, I could be the happiest man alive :)

day 86-not giving in to temptation and staying positive

every situation brings with it it's own unique sets of ups and downs. being away from each other brings a bit more of freedom for the both of us. it has it's advantages and definitely it's disadvantages. I cannot stop me from knowing new people and neither can i stop ying ying from the same and certainly i cannot control who would be the new people i would meet which goes the same for her. and definitely i cannot stop a girl who would decide to like me nor can ying ying control a guy going up to her and try to hit up on her. during these moments, you must rely on the strength of your relationship. that both of you would not be foolish enough to put the relationship at risk. temptations are everywhere, it doesn't necessarily have to be another person but also actions that would hurt me or her.  I should remember that she placed her trust on me and i should take care of that for the rest of the time we will be together. Trust would play a very critical role in a long distance relationship. it is one the foundations that holds the relationship up. mess that up and the relationship crumbles. you cannot continue to be in a relationship where you cannot trust your partner because it will only bring you unnecessary pain, paranoia, fear, and stress. i am pretty sure me and ying ying's resolve to preserve this relationship would be tested as we move along. it is up for us to weather those times and resist the temptations that would threaten to derail us.

i must admit i find myself the weaker one compared to ying ying. this is the first time i would dare say this but i have given in to temptations from my past. i was weak and immature during those times and sometimes when the temptation is a bit too overpowering, i buckle and give in. but that was something that is behind me now. a fresh start and a clean slate with ying ying is what i am starting with. and i am proud of myself that i am doing very well :) i could genuinely say that i have never been in this kind of situation before that i have someone that i am really afraid to lose. i got my first temptation a few days back in the form of a random girl in facebook messaging me and started chatting with me. i admit she has a pretty face and she was really a flirt and back then, i would have jumped on her the first opportunity i got but the thought of losing ying ying because i would hook up with this girl sent a shiver down my spine. it was decided then and there, that was a risk i would never take. for me, that was only a minor victory and it will only go harder from here and to be totally honest, i won't be giving out lofty promises because i might end up eating my words. but one of the things i am sure about right now is i will not take risks that would make me lose ying ying. it's fun and pleasing to discover that i have that capacity in me to resist temptations. i ended up shaking my head, smiling, and said to myself: "damn, i am really in love with this girl. i have never been too afraid to lose someone until now".

We will never know what life would bring that would totally alter us. it might be an event, a place, an animal, a thing, a person, and in my case, ying ying. she has already taught me a lot even without her trying to teach me. she made me realize a lot of things even though she hasn't told me a thing. i am just glad i am realizing a lot of things and changing them for the better. we still have a lot to learn from each other but who's in a hurry? we have our whole lives to live together :)

day 83- still can't get enough...

of ying ying :) i know i am being overly cheesy lately. and i don't freaking care :) in this kind of situations, i'd rather let what i feel out rather than i keep it to myself. i might have an explanation why i am like this right now...it might be because i have been working on nothing but paper works the past three days. That gets me stuck here at my place and basically translating to me being online the whole time so we have been talking longer than usual for three days now. it's kind of i am getting more than my usual dose of her so i think this is the side effect of being overdosed of her :) she usually gets home at her place late from work and she's usually free to talk around 10pm for her or 2pm for me. an hour of conversation is our average talk time. that usually would be enough for us to fill each other with our day and everything in between although we both would like it to be more than that but things that need to be done or sleep gets in the way.

for us to gain something, most of the time we have to give up something for it. talking with ying ying at 2pm and onwards in the afternoon conflicts with something i really love doing...basketball. because i would usually have to be on the court by 3:30 at the latest for me to play a couple of games. you might have guessed work but i excluded that because definitely that comes first. good thing that my work permits me to make my own schedules because i could free up my mid-afternoon to talk to her. definitely the time difference sucks but i can't do anything about it so necessary sacrifices have to be made which i never regret doing. our daily talks would always be one of the highlights of my day. and i am really glad and happy for her that the past couple of days for her went smoothly. she definitely needed that after a tough week. i know she will do fine despite the stresses around her. she is one tough woman and i really appreciate her for that. see, i have never been a fan of women who always act or often act as damsels-in-distress. i can't put up with them...and definitely can't stand them for long. i prefer a woman who knows her worth, knows how to stand up on her own, refuses to be bullied, and can decide for herself and ying ying definitely has everything of those or even more (although i hope she won't be too strong to the point i will be pussy whipped. no guy wants that!). she is tough but definitely she has her soft side...she is really caring, considerate (sometimes too considerate for her own good), affectionate, sweet, thoughtful, and everything in between. tough as nails but soft as goose down pillows...that is my ying ying :) the best of both worlds....

day 81 but about day 80 and our 4th month! :)

yesterday was our 4th month together...i think...LOL! because we got together on october 29th and since feb this year has no 29 in it, then i guess we can say it is march 1st :) with just a blink of an eye, we have been sharing our lives together for four (4) months already. time does fly by so fast when you are enjoying things. i can't believe we've been far apart more than we have been together. we have been apart for 80 days compared to the 48 days that we have been together since we became officially "us" here in the philippines. but we haven't felt the full effect of that 80 days because we have been talking and updating each other constantly since she left. if you really love each other, it will still be there even if physical presence has been removed. you would still feel that way even if you don't see that person in front of you physically, not be able to feel your fingers in between his/her fingers, and all the things you can do when you are together.

my friends has been teasing me lately especially my confidant, bugoy, because nothing has been coming out of my mouth recently but ying ying. ying ying this, ying ying that, yaddah yaddah. i don't know, i guess i am just too happy to be with her and i don't care if i am being cheesy in front of my friends. but i am glad they are happy for me and wished me luck with her. it's true that when you are in love with a person, cheesiness and being caring would come out naturally in you and you don't really care about being like that. they said that i am like this because we are in a "honeymoon stage", that the feeling still overwhelms me about ying ying and it will taper of at one point in time. i don't know about that, it might be possible, it might be not. all i could say that ying ying can't be compared to the ones that came before. she is in an entirely different level right now. i'm not saying i am putting her up in a pedestal and worshiping her like a goddess, that would be disastrous. it's just that i think highly of her and appreciate everything for what she is.

yesterday, we had a lengthy talk. it was unexpected that we would be talking that long on a weekday since most of the time, we are busy but nonetheless, i was so happy we did. i love long talks because conversations would be deeper and more meaningful. it was also fun because while we were talking, she was doing her nightly routine of preparing for bed which i miss because i always see her do that when we were together here. and i miss her including me in her routine by putting eye cream on me (which at first i protested but later on got the hang of it) and she brought me (her laptop) inside the bathroom (guys, she is just brushing her teeth and washing her face okay?) so that she can continue to talk to me. we got to talk about a lot of things too! long talks like that really fills you in on the small details about what is happening in her world and vise versa with mine. she is in a bit of not-so-ideal situation right now in LA where she kind of misses her independence, being appreciated, and being useful. i guess everyone of us experiences that phase in our life at one point in time. i really wish i could do something for her but in a way it might also be better for her to sort this one out by herself. all i could do right now for her would be a willing ear to listen when she vents out or rants about what is stressing her out. i am extremely proud of her that she is holding up well despite the situation. that she sees the positive side of bad situations and learn from them and i appreciate her more for that.

i am almost always stuck at the end of the blog because i don't know how to end them. most of the time i wanted a dramatic ending but at the same time i don't want to be redundant so it's really hard for an amateur like me to do that. but anyway, i am just happy i got to write some of the things that were in my mind. till my next bog! ciao! :)

day 76 and 77

day 76

I’m in the middle of a weekly meeting and it’s kind of boring so I decided to write a blog entry J I just moved in my new place and there are still a lot of moving, lifting, and arranging to do. Hopefully I could finish and settle down this weekend. I am looking forward living in my new place because it is much closer to work and there will be lesser distractions that will keep me from working. I am a bit apprehensive though with the change in the environment because I don’t know if the place is for me or not and the adjustment i have to make since it will be a whole new routine for me. but changes are unavoidable, inevitable. It’s up for us to stand up to the challenge and embrace changes and make the most out of them. i have always believed successful people are the ones who adapted to change and played it to their advantage. I welcome this change because i know there is something good in this for me. and i can't discount the fact that moving in a cheaper place will help me save more of my money and set it aside for something bigger I have in my mind.

Keeping in touch constantly and keeping the communication line open with your partner that is half way around the world is difficult and this is the most obvious challenge couples find out who are far from each other. But me and ying ying are finding ways to update each other every single day. We drop messages even if the other is not online and reply to it whenever we go online. And the thread goes on and on. We also play words with friends thru our iphone and it helps us maintain our competitive side with each other. Skype has been very useful for us and we vid chat with each other at least four (4) times a week. It’s a far cry compared to the time that we were together here in the Philippines but it’s something I would settle with anytime. in long distance relationships, couples should both be dedicated on making the situation work and we are fortunate enough that we are on the same page when it comes to our relationship. I am happy and comfortable with what we have right now and how we work things out. It is something I am praying for that would not change, but if it does, I hope it is for the better J

day 77

was not able to finish my  day 76 entry because the meeting ended early but i decided to include what i have written anyway. And finally, I am almost done imprinting my presence in my new place :) bought stuff that i need for my place like trash cans, rugs, wall hooks, a little bit of furniture, and other necessary stuff. i also realized that in my new place, i have to cook for myself since there are no food places that is near. i guess that would be better because i will have the opportunity to improve my cooking skills and impress ying ying with my dishes when the opportunity arises. i remember her saying that definitely she doesn't want's to be with a man who can't live on his own so knowing how to cook would definitely be a big plus for me! and one of the more better memories me and ying ying have here will be our food trips together. our appreciation for food brought us to UP Diliman for isaw and tapsilog and binondo for the chinese food to name a few. It was also something that ying ying was not from here and therefore, most of the food she had here were new to her. it  was fun introducing her to our food because she is always game to taste them and seeing her like the food also makes me happy and proud of our culture.

our first date did not happen in a fancy restaurant, or a place with nice ambiance, we had our first date at robinson's ermita food court! at first i was a bit uneasy that we would have our first date there, i mean, i always thought first date should be about making an impression and i am at a loss how to impress her when we are at a food court. but i guess some things work differently for us. being at the food court left us with so many food choices and we grabbed food that she haven't had before. it turned out to be fun and light date and something that made me appreciate her more.

she is in a bit of a tough situation in LA right now. work and thesis have been gobbling up most of her time and she is kind of stressing herself out to the point that she is having colds and cough. this is something that also gets me in long distance relationships because i like taking care of my girlfriend when she is sick, shower her with TLC and it bugs me that i can't do anything to help her. all i can do for now would be to pray that she would always be good in health and nothing to serious would happen to her.

tomorrow, i am excited to buy additional stuff for my place. comforters, bed sheets, towels, etc will be up on the list. i would have greatly wished she is with me when i do this because i would have wanted her opinion on which colors, designs, and things i will have to choose. for now, i will just have rely on my manly instinct which products i should buy. i will be writing another blog soon since i need to finish some stuff for work. hopefully by tomorrow i will have the time...i just realized now that writing is fun. never in my mind i would have thought that someday i will be writing blogs. but here i am now doing the exact thing. i'm thankful i have this as my outlet, i probably would have had a harder time coping up with our situation. looking forward writing my next blog! :)

day 73

in the middle of a long and busy day for me. i am packing my stuff because i will be moving to a new place nearer my office. it will be more convenient for me and i could save more (hopefully for my ticket to her) . lots of stuff still to sort into boxes but stopped in the middle of it to watch a basketball game "live"with ying ying :) yes, it would have been great if we would have watched the game together live, sitting next to each other and enjoying the game. but for now, i will be watching the game via live streaming on my laptop while she watches the game live from a suite in staples center :) it just so happened that the camera covering most of the game is right in front of the suite where she is in so we kind of have the same view of the game. i will just use the best of my imagination that we are on a real date watching the sport i love the most :) someday, i promise, we will watch an NBA live game together. not only once but i will be watching games with her as often as possible.

these are the things that you have settle for sometimes since this is the closest you can be to the real thing (although i don't consider this a date since i just decided to watch the game with her an didn't ask her out and i'm not paying for her ticket :p). haha. my list of things that i want to do with her when we see each other just keeps growing. i might have to make a list for real since making a mental note might not be enough. lol. 

one of the things i love about my baby is that she gets out of her way to learn the things i love doing. like basketball...she is so clueless about the game (this might be the point she will disagree if she knew about this blog) but she tries to be updated with the game so that we can talk about it. and i love every bits and pieces of her for that. but it's funny sometimes that she just can't hide her disinterest sometimes...we were talking about basketball while we were driving. i thought she was listening because she opened the conversation but when i looked at her, she was sleeping! LOL! and i love every bit and pieces of her the more for that! :)

in long distance relationships, you grab every opportunity that you can talk and update each other when it presents itself. may it be for a few minutes or for a few exchange of words but nevertheless, she/you got to talk or learn what she/me was doing. you may sometimes want more opportunities. it would always be understandable and a given truth when you miss each other but you have to force yourself to accept and make peace with the fact that not every time you or her would be available. be thankful for every opportunity that comes your way. and i am slowly but surely learning that :) 

as the game is ending, i will also be ending this blog (it was a blowout win for the lakers) and get back to packing my things. but i wish i could drive her home after the game, or better yet, go home to the same place with her. for now, i will just add that to the list of things i want to do with her when we are together. for now, live basketball games with her will have to wait. for now, i will look for more ways to be more patient and learn more about how we can improve our situation :)

day 69

just came from a scientific conference for veterinarians in cebu city from feb 15-19 that's why i was not able to post a new blog. the conference was a great venue to meet old and new friends. it was particularly nice to see my batch mates doing good in their respective fields/jobs.

anyway, from all the excitement, lecture sessions, and night out with friends and colleagues, the thought of ying ying would just suddenly pop into my mind. i miss her the same amidst all those mind occupying activities. during lectures when the topic goes from interesting to boring, my mind slowly drifts into this day dreaming state where i would imagine the things we would do when we will finally be together. or that the next day i would see her and i would imagine what i would do once i would see her, or how would i surprise her by just showing up her door step in LA. during night outs, when i would lean my head back to drink my beer, in the middle of all the loudness, i would wish she was there with me and meet my friends and the people i am with. in the hotel room when i am ready to retire or when i wake up in the middle of the night, i wish i am feeling her warmth and hugging her instead of the pillow around my arms.

i think i have finally settled into a groove where i am really comfortable with our situation right now. one of my bad habits would be i tend to over think things. i would worry too much about something when to start with, it should have been nothing to waste a worry about. it made me a bit depressed and a little less sure about our relationship. but i guess that was phase about our relationship. right now, i am very happy with where we are in our relationship and how we are coping up :) we never failed to update each other everyday through skype, facebook, twitter, IDD calls and texts and everything in between.  and when we will end up together someday, i will owe some thanks to iphone for giving us more opportunities to communicate with each other. hehe. this piece of technology is amazing! :)

it's amazing how the person you love can change you for the better. you feel better about yourself and you will strive to be better for that person. you want to be more responsible, more successful, and just be a better person all around. i know it should have started from me alone but i guess, some people need triggers to let them realize they can do better than where they are right now.

and even if i am comfortable about our situation right now, i still miss her the same...the same intensity but i got better control of it now. everything's going right for us right now and i hope it will continue for the better...

day 64

before everything else, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!! :) a day that is full of love and romance. but for some single people, it is SAD...single awareness day! haha. but we should always put in mind that valentine's day is a reminder that we should make our partner feel loved everyday of the year and not just on that special day.

Valentine's day for people in long distance relationships is generally a tough day...it makes you miss the person more since everywhere you look around, there would be constant reminders from red balloons with "i love you" printed across it, sidewalk vendors changing their trade from the usual toys and accessories to selling flowers and cards and all the couply stuff, tarpaulins everywhere greeting everyone a happy valentine's day (even poiliticians join in on the fray by putting up banners with their names bigger than the actual greeting), restaurants offering special menus and services for couples who would dine there, and couples walking hand in hand wherever they go. and you know it is valentines day also when all of the motels and hotels are fully booked! (advanced happy mother's and father's day to couples who failed to use protection!). It is a tough day but at least when you think of it, you are not single. LOL! :)

Love is such a powerful feeling that it encompasses everyone. from babies learning to walk to our elders in their wheel chairs and canes. from homeless people to people living in excess of everything. yesterday, i passed by the place where most of the flowers in manila are brought from the provinces and from other countries. i can't help but notice people from different walks of life buying flowers for their loved ones. from teenage boys holding single roses and covering them with newspapers since they are a bit shy that they are carrying flowers to obviously in love couples with the girl holding a massive bouquet in her arms. no matter how few or many the flowers are in the bouquet, their smile across their face is the same :)

and me and ying ying finally got to talk for a longer time yesterday! it was such a nice feeling that we finally got to talk for more than a few minutes in more than a week. there was a lot of catching up to do and we did just that. it was great to know that even though she was having a tough time in LA because she was new there and work and thesis was bearing down on her, she was doing great and learning a lot of things. this is a bit of a tough time for her so i just want to make sure that she knows i am there for her and support her all the way and to be more understanding about her. i love talking to ying ying because we can talk about everything. and i am very comfortable with her that i am able to tell everything that i have been most reluctant to tell even people closest to me before. and i am very glad that she is the same way to me too. openness of communication is very crucial since reading between the lines is too dangerous for long distance relationships. not being clear about what you are saying can be easily misunderstood and thus lead to arguments.

for now, we have to settle for catching up during weekends and talking for a few minutes during weekdays. it is something to adjust to but will definitely work for us. everything will be fine as long as you keep a positive mindset about what is happening. you can't do anything for the things you can't control. i will be thankful for every moment that we can update each other. for the other times that we can't, i know she is thinking of me and both of us wishing that we are together :) i miss her a lot and i will miss her more...

day 62

i have been looking forward all week for this weekend because me and ying ying would finally have some time to talk. work and time difference really limited our to a few messages and calls during the whole week and video chatting for a long time would have offset all of those. but i guess things sometimes  don't work out the way you want it to. it's really frustrating when this things happen but you should not let it get to you because it will just make the situation worse. arguing would be last thing you want to happen and definitely one of the bad things that you have to avoid when you are in a long distance relationship. i guess talking would have to be on hold for a bit more than i wanted. just think of it this way, as long as the love is there, he/she would have chosen to talk to you is he/she had a choice.

since i was not able to talk to her, i decided to get some air and played basketball and later on jogged with a friend at UP diliman (a university). it was enlightening to hear her side about long distance relationship and i must say i could use some of the advice that she has given me. trust should always be there in a long distance relationship. if you asked a question to your partner, you have to believe what he/she said and trust him/her for it. otherwise, do not ask the question if you would not believe his/her answer. always end your conversation, messages, and chats with i love and i miss you. it's not there as a insignificant phrase that you have to write for the sake of putting it there. it is a constant reminder about what you feel for him/her. always try to understand that given the distance, your situations would be very different. take into consideration that things that might be easy for you like finding time to chat with him/her might be the opposite for him/her. do not let frustration get the better of you. instead, let him/her know in a nice way what you feel. do not confront her about what you feel without asking his/her side or reasons first. being in an offensive mode at the start of the conversation might end up blowing in your face and backfiring. you end up with a bigger problem when in the first place, all you would have wanted him/her to know was you miss him/her and you love him/her. try to put yourself in his/her situation so that you would understand him/her better. learning and understanding the other one's situation would make you deal with future issues better and in turn, would avoid confrontations.

learn from your mistakes and quarrels. any kind of relationship will have a plethora of it's own problems. it's unavoidable that sometimes you have to argue with him/her. no matter how compatible you are, there would always be personal differences...may it be color, how you want your food, how you want to drive, etc. respect each other for it and accept it. they were there in him/her before you arrived, and it will stay there forever. do not force her to change into something that you want him/her to be. he/she will only hold it against you if things would go wrong.

there are a lot of things i realized that i could write about long distance relationship. if time permits, i would look forward writing about them. i really like the feeling every time i finish writing. i always end up feeling better before i would start the blog. only a handful of friends know about this blog. not even ying ying knows that this blog about her exists. i don't know if i would end up deciding about letting her know about it. but for now, the more important thing is that writing about how i miss her makes me feel better. whenever i would tell a friend about my blog, the initial reaction would always be: shocked-in denial-laugh-ask me if it's for real-laugh again-and say i am really in love with her for creating this blog. again, they know how much a sporty guy i am and a personal blog about missing ying ying would be the last thing they would associate with me. but love can make people do stuff that they least expect. when you are in love, everything around her would be a blur, you are just focused on how to make her feel loved, important, and happy and you don't care how much you are making a fool out of yourself :)

next time...maybe next time we will finally have the time to talk longer but for now, i should not give in to frustration. i will be patient and understanding :) i love her and i miss her a lot...

day 60

and finally i got the time to write again. this week's work was insane! but it's been a great week for me and i am in the zone about working so i am definitely taking advantage. missing ying ying has been the same but at least for now, i am a bit more comfortable about our situation and i am slowly but surely settling into a groove with our current status. but it definitely doesn't mean i am missing her less because i miss her as much as before.

there are a lot of things you have to take into consideration about long distance relationships. and work is one of them. both me and ying ying are working right now and i have to say it is making us finding time to talk during weekdays difficult. given the time zone difference (by the time i will go to sleep, she will be starting her day and by the time she is eating her lunch, i am deep into my slumber) already, our window to catch each other awake grows slimmer especially if one of us arrives home very tired from work. i am pretty sure we are not alone in this kind of situation and there are others trying to cope up. one thing i learned from this is that you have to be very patient, understanding, and be in the right mind set. be patient that you could not talk to each other whenever you/her wants. there would always be other times and definitely he/she will talk to you once his/her schedule frees up. be understanding that work can take a toll on his/her day. there would be times that he/she will be in no mood to talk because he/she just had a hectic and stressful day. be understanding that no matter how much he/she tries to get involved in his/her everyday life, there would always be things he/she does that he/she will never be a part of. be in the right mind set that your current situation will be like this for a while and do not expect anything greater will happen. it will only get you frustrated if you will because you will not get what you are expecting and it will take a toll on your relationship in the long run.

stresses from work can put strain on relationships, both long distance and not. for me, if this happens, it is always better to give her space if she wants it and just be there by the time she needs me. it is always nice to be comforted by the one you love if problems from work starts caving in on you. it is important for both of you to be comfortable to talk about problems that are happening in your work and be each other's personal sound board. keep in my mind that success driven individuals value their career very much and you should never try to hinder them from  achieving their goal. it is in the long run, beneficial for you both because you are both happy and satisfied with what you are doing and it will definitely translate to a better union in the future.

right now, we are both blazing our trails and establishing ourselves in our chosen field. we are both doing it for ourselves and in the long term, our future. all i can do right now is be patient, understanding, be there for her when she needs me, and just trust our relationship. we both agreed that weekends would be catching up time for the both of us and i will be definitely looking forward to that :) and during weekdays, we would just drop by each other messages and short updates about our day. and i had the good fortune that i have free IDD calls to her which i ration for the whole month :) definitely helps in having my daily dose of her. and i must say that iphone has been great for the both of us. we can skype, facetime, message each other whenever we want to. and that online scrabble game keeps our competitive nature going :)

a lot of things can make long distance relationship difficult but as long as you are both committed, you would always find a way around those problems :)

iphone 4!!!

yeeeeessss!!! i finally got hold of my iphone 4!!! it was three weeks of waiting for me since globe did not have any stocks (i'm not sure if that's true) they said. it's amazing how decisions can quickly change...before, i wanted a blackberry, now, i was begging for an iphone because she has the same phone and we can do face time. i am definitely looking forward to using the features of my phone so that i can update her and vise versa. for long distance relationships, it is a good idea to get hold and take advantage of every technological apparatus and programs available. they will definitely help in keeping missing her/him pangs away temporarily and give you your daily dose of him/her.

social networking sites can also be very useful to get updates from each other but sometimes, you think, is it really helping? does it make you feel better that you learn what he/she is doing? what he/she is thinking? or does it make you miss him/her more? because sometimes, i end up browsing her posts, pictures, and activities and it definitely makes me miss her more. i don't know, but for me, these things can sometimes be a double edged sword.

i will be putting my iphone to good use. now, i can record videos and take pictures anywhere and anytime and i can send it to her to update her about my day. that would definitely help out in bridging the distance that is between us. i could not imagine how people before the advent of telephones and other tech gadgets maintain long distance relationships. before, telegrams and letters are the only way of receiving news from each other. you will hear from each other on months at a time and you don't even have a choice. their love and trust for each other will keep the relationship onwards. if both parties are willing and equally dedicated, no amount of distance can hinder them from being together in one point in time. so never take for granted what we have at our disposal today. take advantage of them, it will help us who are in long distance relationships :)

day 54

woke up with the same feeling today as with other days...that heavy feeling when i know i cannot see her for real this day. but my day has to go on. for the days and weeks and months to come, i will have to get used to waking up everyday knowing that i will not see her for a while. i will use that to drive to work harder, earn more, save more,  and buy my ticket to her. that will be one of the highlights of my life for sure, to see her again after a long while.

i am a very avid fan of basketball, it is my stress reliever. when i am on the court playing, i forget everything that's bothering me. from work, to family, to personal issues and the world outside the basketball court. i'm just there, focused on the game and enjoying it. lately, i always wanted to play basketball as long as i can so that i can temporarily get her off my mind. it works perfectly every time until yesterday. at one point in the game, i just stood still, wondered where she is and what she is doing. i don't know why she suddenly popped into my mind that time. maybe because the game was not as intense or i just remembered how she said that she loves seeing me playing basketball in my jerseys. but i hated it that even in my most effective way of forgetting about our situation, missing her found  a way to infiltrate it. missing her-54: me-0.

we are both in a stage of our lives where we are trying to establish ourselves as professionals. her just starting and me a little deeper. she has now moved to LA for her internship and i am very happy and excited for her. i remembered how great the feeling before when i received my first pay check. i felt so confident as if i could conquer the world knowing that i can stand up out there in my own feet. her internship will cost us time for each other but that is one necessary sacrifice we have to make. that's for her future and there's no arguing about that. i want her to succeed in what she does, her success is mine too.

i have always pondered why i miss her so intensely. as i have said, i have never loved somebody this much but i am pretty sure there are other things that contributed. i thought maybe because those one month and a half that we were together, we can do anything we want. it was like were moving on a high gear and when she left for the states, we have to shift down to a lower gear and be stuck there for a while. that difference in momentum must have been one of the reasons. that i wanted more but obviously we can't do anything about it. i guess all the things i want to do with her will have to wait for some time.

tonight, i might sleep with the same feeling when i woke up, it will be a vicious cycle that will go on till i will stop missing her. praying before going to bed helps me a lot. i pray that everything will be fine for us and that this relationship will be something that will inspire us and not something that will hinder us. i pray every night since for her safety and her happiness as well as for mine too. i love her and i miss her so much and there's no arguing that.

day 53

i have never been a writer, in fact, i hate paperworks. the only essays/stories i wrote were the ones required by my teachers when i was studying. i would always groan when my teachers would tell us to write an essay. but i guess things can quickly change and before i knew it, writing is something that will help me when i am missing somebody that is the world to me. today, day 53 is the day i started this blog, the day that i can't keep to myself how much i miss ying ying. she left for the US last december 15, 2010. i will never know when this blog would end. maybe by the time i stop missing her because i am happily with her or i have stopped loving her. in my 28 years, life has taught me everything can change quickly, that situations won't be the same forever. but for now, i never knew i could miss someone this bad. i guess the degree of how much you miss a person depends on how much you love them. i must admit i have never been in love with someone like this before and it really amazes me that i can. we were introduced to each other by my friend's sister nerissa who took them out on a trip to los banos, laguna, where i stay during weekends. neri asked me if i could drive for her and "her"foreign friends when they were there. at first i reluctantly said yes since it was weird for me because me and neri don't really hang out together. we were introduced and you could immediately tell beth was the outgoing one and ying ying the silent one :) me and ying ying did not start out until their 3rd month here in the philippines. she was here for her practicum for her degree at boston university. i liked her from the start but didn't made a move on her since one of my friend also liked her and i stepped aside out of respect. i guess that's an unwritten rule for my guy friends at los banos. when i figured out that my friend was not putting his effort into it, i started hanging out at her place, which i promised them that i would before but i would always postpone it.. and we took off from there. by the time we got together, we were inseparable, i showed her the philippines and showed her how filipino men would love their woman :) i soon started to realize how different she were compared to my previous relationships and i began to become aware that the things i was looking for for my ideal woman was in her and this changed how i looked at our relationship. gone was the thought that this relationship of ours was temporary because she will be leaving soon for the US, vanished was the idea that this would be for fun. this was relationship was something i really wanted to work bad and something that i would learn to value the greatest. we were together for a month and a half here in the philippines, a short time i know for most, but for that short time we were together, she gave me a glimpse of what we could have in the future. we spent our remaining days together knowing that the day would come that she will have to go back to the US. that dreaded day did  came and we were powerless about it. no amount of preparation could have made us ready for what lays ahead for us. we knew maintaining long distance relationships is hard. most of my relationships have been long distance and i have a fair idea how hard it will be. but this time, i am consoled by the fact that she is equally dedicated to what we have right now. I know she loves me every second of everyday she doesn't see me and that keeps me going on.

for now, no amount of skype or chatting can overcome how much i miss her. skype is like a pill that temporarily takes away the the symptoms but not the condition itself. as the effect wears off, i find myself missing her again. i have to find a way to be with her somehow. the sooner, the better for us. "distance can make the heart grow fonder"- this cliche is true...but has a time limit. for short times that you are separated that would be true i guess. you will start to realize how things are more fun when you are together than you doing it alone or with other people. this will make the heart grow fonder. but distance for very long times can also make rock-solid relationships crumble. two people living separate lives for too long can get numb from being away from each other too long. this is my worst fear, something that i would have face and i have to overcome. there are no certainties in this world, for me, i would just do the best that i can until i am capable of. i will love her till she tells me to stop. but for now, all i can do is miss her till we see each other again. someday i will conquer that 7304 miles that separates us. someday i will reduce that number to 0. and someday i will kiss her again for real, hug her again and feel her warm soft skin against mine. i love her so much and distance would just be an obstacle that would make us stronger...